What a Bunch of (Swedish) Meatballs

Folks, it's only a store. And a furniture store at that. Yes, I've been to an IKEA. I know how cool they are. But still, it's only a store.

When the new IKEA location opened yesterday in Stoughton, the first person in line (an 18-year-old college student — of course) had been there 13 days. Thirteen days! Better, he was from Atlanta, not even from the Boston area. And better still, when the doors opened and he was presented with his $5,000 gift card, he didn't even go shopping. He just went to the airport and headed home. ("Two weeks, $5,000 — that’s pretty good pay," he said.)

I just don't understand the mentality of people who do stuff like that. I mean, it's not like the weather's been all that nice here, and it's not like the store won't be there a day later. Sure, I get that there's only glory if you're the first one in. And yes, I've been excited about new stores before. (Mmmmmm ... Krispy Kreme.) But why would anyone come all the way from Atlanta to wait outside of a store for two weeks? Sure, he got paid $5,000 just to sit around for two weeks, but he can only spend that money in one place. I wouldn't even do that for a Best Buy gift card. If you ask me, the kid's a moron.

Anyway, so the Boston Herald ran a story today about the guy who was third in line. "Survivor: Ikea" they called it. His name is Jeffrey Beaudett, and he's a 41-year-old senior mortgage banker for Citizens Bank in Woburn, married, and the father of five. A responsible-sounding guy. Well, he waited in line for seven days. And for his trouble, he pocketed a $1,500 gift card. (In the photo, he's the bald guy on the left, wearing the suit &mdash a suit!!)

According to the Herald, the people in line were able to take 10-minute breaks for runs to the bathroom or to smoke without losing their place in line, and had access to a shower inside the store once a day, though Beaudett says, "Some people took showers, and some people didn’t — and you knew who did and didn't." Otherwise, they pretty much stayed cooped up in the garage for as long as they were out there.

Here's one of my favorite sections of the Herald story:

<< It wasn't all happy times for the top five prize-winners, who slept overnight in a concrete cubby in the Ikea garage anywhere from five to 12 days, depending on their spots in line. The close quarters sometimes took their toll on the four men and one woman. Gossiping ensued, and squabbles erupted over issues such as territory and smoking.

"If you look at the five of us now, no one's really talking to each other," Beaudette said yesterday. >>

I can only imagine what kind of gossipping they were doing. And need I remind you that Beaudette is a 41-year-old father of five?

I also liked this part:

<< They read, watched DVDs, played video games and took delight in the small things — including the arrival of a second and more spacious portable toilet designed for handicapped users. >>

Nice. A new Porto-John. Woo hoo!

The Boston Globe's story about the opening included this anecdote:

<< By 11:15 a.m., Ikea had its first casualty. A $6.99 glass vase holding Lucky Bamboo sticks fell to the floor, shattering into tiny pieces across the brand new store. A crew of five quickly descended and swept the shards into a neat pile. >>

Sounds just like Disney World.

One thing I love about this IKEA store is that it's right next door to a Jordan's outlet and a half mile away from an Affordable Furniture. So you'd think the folks in Stoughton would have enough cheap furniture by now.

It must be the meatballs. Yes, that must be why 2,000 people were lined up when the store opened yesterday at 9 a.m. and why 20,000 people had been ushered through the doors by day's end. Who can beat Swedish Meatballs? How else would you explain such insanity? Otherwise, let's be honest: it's just a furniture store.

[A note to the readers: Sometimes my sarcastic tone doesn't exactly translate to print, so this entry probably sounded more like a rant than a mocking. Know that I wrote it with a big smile on my face, after laughing pretty hard while reading the Herald at lunch. And yes, if you read my posting from earlier today, you'll see I never do learn from my mistakes.]