Try the Veal

I’ve been asked by a couple folks why I still haven’t seen 300 yet, so I wanted to explain, because as your friendly neighborhood frequent moviegoer, I know you look to me for guidance on how to spend your hard-earned cash. The truth is, I just wasn’t all that impressed by the last two films in the series, 298 and 299, so I’ve decided to skip 300 entirely. I’m sort of hoping 301 is better, because at the peak of the series — 294 — it was really very good. Kind of like how Oceans 11 was a much, much better movie than Oceans 9 was. Same with Apollo 13; they almost stopped making those movies after Apollo 12, but somehow Ron Howard got back on his game for the 13th film in the series and then called it a day.

Similarly, I’m having a hard time getting excited about The Last Mimzy, seeing how I never did get around to seeing the first or second Mimzy movies. Does anyone know, were those two any good?

(Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Please tip your waitress.)
(And of course, this is posted with apologies to Todd, who thought of at least one or two of these jokes before I did. Though in my defense, they're not really the kinds of jokes anyone should want to take credit for. But it's alright, Todd can have all the credit he wants.)