One Year Later

Depending on whether you're a literal person or not, today is the one-year anniversary of my grandmother's death. Actually, the anniversary is November 28, but it happened on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, so I'm choosing to remember her on the blog today. To say that the week of her death was hard is an understatement, and here it is a year later, and while my emotions are certainly more in check than they were then, not a day goes by when I don't think of her. 'Bubby' is still one of the names in my cell phone, and I can't even count the number of times I've scrolled through looking for someone to call and have stopped on her name, considered hitting "call," and then realized no one would answer. Truth be told, from time to time I still reach for the phone to call her as I walk to the T in the morning and then stop myself. I just miss the conversations we had, the laughs we shared, the good things I could tell her, and the way she made me smile even on bad days. As nice as it was to spend Thanksgiving this year with most of my cousins and my aunts and uncle (the first time so many of us had been together since the week of the funeral), Bubby was missed. I miss her a lot and think of her often. Maybe that's because I have her picture right above my computer screen at work, and there are pictures of her in my bedroom and living room at home. But I don't need to see her picture in front of me or find her name on my cell phone to have her on my mind. I just need to remember the good times, and there were plenty of them. It's one year later, and it's still hard, but I'll try to smile today because Bubby wouldn't want me to be sad. I just miss her so much.