Making Plans

Since it seems that Lindsay Lohan and I both seem to have the same life plan — we both want to be married by the time we're 30 — I would like to publicly offer to marry Ms. Lohan and make an honest woman out of her. LiLo, will you marry me? I'm not doing anything on Saturday. Can you meet me here in Boston? Consider this also your invitation, my lucky readers.

(Hopefully Lindsay won't notice that I'm actually 32 and clearly missed my "deadline." It's alright, though. Some things are better late than never.)