So Close, and Yet ...

Dear Cat,

Just thought I'd write to say I hold you personally accountable for the fact that Jennifer Garner and I are not together right now.

As you know, Ms. Garner holds a special place in my heart — despite her already having a husband and a child — and when I heard the news that she would be filming a movie, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, not just in Boston but right on South Street in front of Les Zygomates, a short walk from our office, you knew what a big deal this was for me. At last, this would be my chance to meet the former Ms. Sydney Bristow in person and profess my love to her. You agreed to walk with me at lunchtime today to check out the set and that was very nice of you to keep me company. And how exciting was it when we got there and we could just walk around and see it all — the lights, the cameras, the New York City cabs, and even better, the fake snow and Christmas decorations. (It was Christmas, Cat! My favorite time of year! How perfect!!) Suffice it to say, I was giddy. Jen was nowhere to be seen, but she would be out soon, and I would see her acting right there a few feet in front of me. How cool is that??! All the fates were aligning; it was actually going to happen. Jen would see me from across the street, watching her, smiling my adorable smile, and she'd be too distracted to even look at her costar, the shirtless wonder himself, Matthew McConaughey. She'd stop filming, would walk right over to me, we'd introduce ourselves, I'd say something witty and charming (of course), she'd smile and laugh, all the other bystanders would wonder who this random guy in the crowd was, but they'd be so overcome with emotion watching us and our love blossom that they'd burst into spontaneous applause, and, well, the rest (including Ben Affleck) would be history. We would go off and live happily ever after, in Newton. I was thisclose to making my dream a reality. Oh man, it was actually going to happen ...

... And then you asked me to leave, and you denied Jennifer and me a love that would have inspired others. A love that was fated in the stars. A love that was destined for greatness. Why did we have to leave?? Were you really too cold standing there on the sidewalk? Was the production assistant really that rude to you when she asked us to move over? I was hungry too, but some things are more important than lunch. I missed my chance at true happiness. You broke my heart, Cat. And now, Jennifer Garner and I will never be together. I hold you responsible for this tragedy. ;-)

Sincerely,
Martin