Looking Back: part four

All week I've been counting down the top five most memorable moments of my first year of blogging. Here's number two.

From September 1: "Better Late Than Never"
How could I do a countdown and not include the one that started it all? I had wanted to keep a blog for a year or so before I started. Actually, I wanted to do a lot of things. But this is the one goal I actually accomplished. And I'd say it's worked out quite well. I don't have much more to say about this post, other than its obvious significance in my blogging history. Of course, it begs the question, if my first blog entry is only the second most memorable one, what is first on the list? For that, you'll have to come back tomorrow. For now, you can read my very first posting here.

Yesterday: number 3
Tuesday: number 4
Monday: number 5

Pondering the Pita

Here at Martin's Musings, I only like to ponder the really important issues of the day. Here's a quick question that's on my mind at this present time: When and why did pita bread become the standard bread to hand out with food at take-out places? At most places, no matter what you order, you get pita with your meal. For example, today I got a chicken parmigiana "dinner" (i.e.: it included pasta) from Taste of the Town, and instead of, say, Italian bread, I got pita. When I used to go to the Kingston Deli, they would give you pita. And various other take-out places give it to you as well. I can understand it if you're getting a kebob or salad or something you might make into a sandwich. But where is the logical connection between chicken parm and pita? I just don't get it.

Looking Back: part three

It's the third day in my weeklong look back at the top five most memorable moments in Martin's Musings history. So without further ado, number three.

From May 28: "What a Waste"
This posting has the distinction of being the most read of any I've written so far. (Yes, I can track such things.) Who knew so many people cared so much about cupcakes — or Johnny Cupcakes, for that matter. Thanks to a link on Universal Hub, people have been coming for months now to read and find out why I called a new Newbury Street store such a let-down and a disappointment. Every week I still get a couple hits on this particular post. I even posted an update a few weeks later. So here you go: you can read the most-read of my postings here.

Yesterday: number 4
Monday: number 5

Looking Back: part two

Continuing my look back at the top five most memorable moments from my first year of blogging, here's number four.

From September 30: "People Are Stupid"
It's a classic commuting irony — you leave for work early, but it doesn't make any difference because of a stupid T mishap. That's what happened this day. But this posting wasn't significant simply because of my commute. Rather, it was because the day I posted it, my traffic shot up and I gained a whole new audience, largely thanks to Adam Gaffin and his Universal Hub web site. Adam provided a link to my post and people were clicking on it in droves — or at least what felt like droves considering the minimal audience I was getting up till then. But what was more exciting than that was that Adam included this post in one of his "Blog Log" columns for the Sunday Boston Globe. It was the first time of many that my blog was quoted in the Globe over the course of the year. You can read my posting here.

Yesterday: number 5

Like Crap, I'd Imagine

How does it feel to have the entire city give up on you and leave you for dead? Just ask the Red Sox. They've apparently quit on us, and it's not just Bostonians who have noticed. (And by the way, the image below is from Boston Dirt Dogs.com.)

Looking Back: part one

Believe it or not, Friday marks my one year anniversary of keeping a blog, so I thought I'd celebrate by counting down the top five most memorable posts so far. Today, number 5 ...

From June 11: "At Least I Got an Umbrella"
I wasn't particularly excited about my 10-year college reunion, but I went anyway because I really had no good reason not to and, well, I needed a new umbrella. Needless to say, the event lived up to my expectations. But it wasn't until I posted about it on my blog that the real fun began. You can read the post — and the comments, which are the real reason why this was such a memorable entry on the blog — right here.

Weekend Winners and Losers

Winner: The Office, for winning the Emmy for Best Comedy Series, and My Name Is Earl, for winning awards for writing and directing
Loser: The rest of the show. Aside from Conan's opening, it was a snooze.

Loser: Ari Gold
Winner: Jeremy Piven

Loser: The Red Sox. Still. They should just stop playing. I mean actually stop playing. It was painful last weekend, but now it's just an agonizingly slow crawl to October.
Winner: Me, because I didn't watch any of it

Winner: Saturday's weather
Loser: Sunday's weather

Winner: My eyes. I had an opthamologist appointment on Saturday and got some new glasses.
Loser: Rims. My new glasses have none.

Loser: Snakes on a Plane. Why isn't anyone seeing this movie??
Winner: Everyone who did see Snakes on a Plane. I still say I'd pay to see it again.

Winner: The weekend. It was relaxing and good.
Loser: The weekend. Too short, as always.

Things That Drive Me Crazy

Number 27: Having to flip through pages and pages and pages and pages of ads before I get to the Table of Contents in a magazine, as I do this month for the new issue of GQ. I get it that ads keep the cost of the magazine down, and I'd rather have the ads up front so they're not interrupting the features, and yes I do work in the magazine world, and blah blah blah all that stuff, but you know that there's a problem when the TOC doesn't appear until page 86 and magazine feels the need to tell you on each of the three pages where you'll find each successive page of the TOC because they're practically buried. I say move half the ads to the back of the book. No one really looks at that many ads in a row anyway. At least I don't.

Number 28: Buying tickets for things. I used to go to a lot of concerts, but for about a year I didn't go to a single one, partly because it was so damned annoying and frustrating to get tickets. Even if you were a member of a fan club (which I was) and got to take advantage of a presale (which I did), the tickets available in that presale weren't always the better ones. And on the public onsale date, even if you kept hitting "refresh" on your web browser on the Ticketmaster web site, at the minute the tickets went on sale, somehow they were either already nearly sold out or you couldn't buy very good seats. And don't get me started on buying on the phone. I didn't even try to buy Red Sox tickets this year. So it made me more frustrated to see that my two recent experiences with Ticketmaster — buying tickets for Jamie Cullum and The Killers — weren't any more pleasant. Thankfully, I got tickets to both events. But I didn't enjoy it.

Number 29: The people who work in my building on the lower floor and can't walk down one flight of stairs to get there. We only have one elevator working, and it's a slow-moving one. There's one floor below the ground floor, and it's easily accessible, and it's beyond me why the people who work there wait and wait for the elevator to descend when they could more easily just take the stairs. While I'm on the building subject, I also hate the people who go out for a smoke and stand right in front of the door so I have to walk through their smoke to get anywhere. Yuck.

(Alright, fine. So the list is a lot longer at this point than 29. Didn't want you to think I was that irritable. These are just the things that are annoying me today, right now.)

Snakes in a Movie Theater!

Best news story I heard today:
Rattlers Freed in Snakes on a Plane Theater Prank

PHOENIX (Reuters) — Life imitating art is all very well. Unless, that is, it's a movie about deadly snakes on the rampage.
Movie chain AMC Entertainment Inc. said pranksters at one of its Phoenix theaters released two live diamondback rattlesnakes during a showing of the film Snakes on a Plane last Friday. No one was injured.... (read the rest here)

A local video report on the story is here.

This is perhaps the only thing that could have made the movie more enjoyable for me. I love this story!

Hemhorrage

It's so much easier to ignore — to forget — the Red Sox and their losing ways when they play during the day, as they did on Monday, and when they're playing on the West coast, with nearly all games starting at 10 p.m. Boston time, as they'll be doing until next Wednesday night.

Sigh. I can't believe they lost again last night. At this point, I hope they never come home. Stop the bleeding! End the season now!

Dating Sucks

I know many of you enjoyed my recent post about the fake web site supposedly created by a woman whose husband had cheated on her. Well, here's another good read.

Apparently — and this one is real, folks — some guy in New York named Darren met a woman named Joanne on JDate back in June. (If you don't know, JDate is a dating site for members of the tribe.) They went out, she led him on, said she'd go out with him again, so he paid for the entire date. Well, guess what? She had no interest in going out with this guy again. So what did he do? He emailed and called and tried to get her to pay for her half of the date ($50). When she didn't respond, he kept calling and emailing. And when she did email, it only encouraged him to call and email more.

Suffice it to say, you can read all the emails and hear — yes, hear — all the voice mails right here.

According to Snopes.com, which reports on web hoaxes, this isn't the first time such a thing has happened or been passed around the internet. But this Darren guy is apparently very real, as the blog GonzoRangers has discovered. I won't link to his company's web site or to news stories that quote him, but you can find them very easily if you want to. And for further proof, check out this story from the New York Daily News. Or, you can check out Confessions of a Drama Duchess not only to read excerpts from Darren's JDate profile, but also to see his picture.

Actually, GonzoRangers has been tracking the story, and in the most recent posting about the subject, there's a voice mail left by Darren, who has heard about and seen postings like the one you're reading right now, and plans to sue Joanne for "much more than the $50 in question." Apparently, GonzoRangers has also been emailed with demands to take down its postings about Darren. (I wonder if I'll get one too.)

One of my favorite parts of the whole saga is how it's spawned a cottage industry. For example, you can buy official "Darrenator" t-shirts, boxers shorts and other merchandise. And then there's songwriter David Kraut, who has turned the story into a song (called "Do the Right Thing"), complete with clips of Darren's voice mails.

Folks, this story proves a few things:
1. You've gotta be careful with what you say and do in this day and age.
2. Sometimes it's just easier to suck it up, be the bigger person, and move on.
3. Never write or call back someone you have no interest in speaking with, even if it's just to tell them to leave you alone.
4. Some people have way too much time on their hands.
5. The people you meet on JDate are, um, not not always that cool.
6. Dating sucks.

I Surrender

And how is your ass today? Man, did we ever get spanked this weekend. And boy, does it ever hurt. Waking up on a Monday morning hasn’t been this rough in some time.

When did it all go wrong? Wasn’t everything going so well? Weren’t we in first place by three games just a few weeks ago? I’m utterly baffled. And now I definitely don’t feel as naïve as I was about the Sox’s chances for the rest of the season.

Then again, what season? This one is over. Finito. Over. Dunzo. Dead. Wait till next year.

It’s time to throw in the towel. Wave the white flag. Surrender. Root for the Patriots. As far as I’m concerned, the 2006 Red Sox season officially ended at 1:30 a.m. last night. I mean, this morning. Just a few short hours ago. What a bitch. But more importantly, what a bummer.

It’s been a long, dragging morning already, and I’m happy the game today — you mean they’re playing again?? — is during the afternoon so I don’t have to get suckered into watching like I was last night.

Happy fall, everyone. See you next spring.

That's Enough

To paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane:

"I've had it with these mother fucking Yankees winning in our mother fucking stadium!"

I mean, really. This has been a ridiculous weekend. But I still say, it's not over yet.

Movie Review on My Blog

I have to admit, I had one of the best moviegoing experiences of the year when I went to see Snakes on a Plane on Saturday. I mean, sure, the guys in the back row who were hissing all through the movie (including the trailers) and who were trying to do a call-and-response cheer of "Snakes!" "On a Plane!" before it started became a little much, but really, this is a totally fun movie that completely lives up to the hype and is actually worth seeing. And if you see it with the right kind of crowd, as I did, one that was totally into it (and I, personally, was quite excited to see the movie), you'll like it even more. I mean, the first shot of the snakes gets an applause. Snakes attack in every way imaginable, and they bite every possible body part (the guy who gets it while taking a leak is particularly painful to watch), and each time, it's funnier and funnier. And when Sam Jackson says his big line near the end of the movie, man did the crowd go nuts. Suffice it to say, I loved it all — even the cheesy music video that plays over the end credits (the song is by a group called Cobra Starship). I wouldn't say the movie is all that scary — it's too ridiculous to be scary — but it stays on the right side of the stupid–silly line enough to actually be considered a decent movie (I said "decent" — not good or great). And to tell the truth, I'd even pay to see it again. So yeah, I am really recommending this one highly. It gets a B+ from me.

You Da Man

Trust the Man is an amiable comedy about two couples going through rough patches. One is married with two children, the other unmarried but together for seven years. Not sure what else the movie is about because basically, all that really happens is things get bad, and then pretty quickly they get better. It's all a little too pat. But, I still found it an easy watch. Billy Crudup is fun; he should do comedies more often. All four leads play generally likeable characters, I just wish the script gave them more of an arc to work with. I'm giving Trust the Man a B-.

Not So Magical

I won't spend much time writing about The Illusionist because I don't expect it to stay around in theaters all that long anyway. Basically, despite a typically good performance by Paul Giamatti and a typically intense one by Ed Norton — and a surprisingly decent one by Jessica Biel — I found the movie lacking in (please excuse the obvious pun) magic. Hopefully The Prestige, another movie about magicians, will be more enjoyable. It certainly looks better. In the meantime, The Illusionist gets a B- from me.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

I believe it's Kaplan's second law of moviemaking that states: "Never bet against a talking animal picture." Well, consider it law 2A that you shouldn't bet against a movie where the animals also sing and dance, and where one animal has the speaking voice of Robin Williams. If that's the type of movie that appeals to you, then waste no time heading over to the web site for Happy Feet and watch the three trailers (in the "video") section. Aside from featuring some truly amazing animation, these trailers promise a really great and funny movie. I mean, I don't even know what this movie is all about, but already I'm dying to see it. I mean, really. Just try to find something more entertaining than a penguin with Robin Williams' voice singing "My Way" in Spanish — complete with back-up singers. Just try it. But watch these trailers first. Or, if you have a really good Internet connection, click here to watch in high-definition Quicktime video. (Trailer two is the one you want.)

What a Ride

Went home to New York this weekend for Mitzi and Jason's aufruf, but that wasn't the only excitement. Saturday night, my friends Scott and David continued our end-of-summer tradition of going to Friday's and Playland. Believe it or not, this was the 15th consecutive year we did this. And who said I couldn't stick with something that long?

Anyway, so of course, the purpose and make-up of the outing has changed over the years, but the gist of it is still the same. In 1992, the last weekend before one of us went to college, a group of six USY friends went to Friday's in Tarrytown (halfway between where we in Westchester and those in Rockland live) for dinner and one last hurrah. Afterward, we headed (rather spontaneously) to Rye Playland, a historic and famous but by no means top-of-the-line amusement park, to ride some rides. The next year we went out again, did the same things, and it basically became a traditional thing to do at the end of every summer from there on out.

Over the years, the group has ebbed and flowed, and while we've lost three people, David, Scott and I still go, and we've since added their wives and children. And, we still hit the same spots every year: the Dragon Coaster, bumper cars, and skee ball, and we divvy up the prize tickets between the full group so everyone gets something (even if it's just a rub-on tattoo or bouncy ball). Most years we also go on the Derby Racers, but nowadays that either gets replaced by a Merry-Go-Round or Kiddie Land rides, or both. And we've also changed the order nowadays, going to Playland first (and earlier in the day).

On Saturday, we didn't ride the bumper cars and we stayed in Kiddie Land longer than usual (that'll happen with three 2-year-olds and a 4-year-old), but at Friday's I still ordered the Chicken Fingers (just as I have done most other years), and we talked about the Cup of Dirt dessert (which I've ordered many times before).

But despite any changes, the outing serves an important purpose now: it's simply a chance for David, Scott and I to get together, since it's the only time Scott and I ever see David. Were it not for this annual get-together, we might no longer be friends with him.

So, another year down. Next year will be the 15th anniversary of this outing, our 16th time going. That first night in 1992, it's safe to say none of us ever thought we'd still be going back year after year. But we do, and I don't see us stopping any time soon.

Down, But Not Out

The worst thing the Red Sox did was come back from being down three games to none in the 2004 ALCS. Because now, when they're down, all I say is "Don't count them out. After all, they came back against the Yankees ...!"

So that's what I'm saying now, naive as it may be. In the words of my Yankee fan friends, and to quote what they were saying in April (and May, and June, and July), it's a long season. We've had a bad week — a very bad week. But there's still a month and a half left to go in the season, and we're less than a handful of games out. 'Tek and the others will come back right when we need them, and then we'll have the extra power to go back into first place and win the division. But even before that happens, we'll rally. We don't stay down for long. We can still rebound from this slump.

Don't count this team out just yet, folks.

Towering Achievement

Not that we needed reminding, but 9/11 was a really shitty day. In his new film World Trade Center, Oliver Stone revists the chaos, fear, hysteria, heartbreak, sadness, and destruction of that day, but in the process pays effective tribute to those who lived through it.

In the early moments of WTC, Stone shows how 9/11 started out like any other day. People are going to work, streets are filled with commuters, and all is business as usual. But then the shadow of a plane is seen moving across a building, elsewhere there's a strong tremor, and suddenly nothing is the same. We all know what happened next, but Stone dramatizes it, recreating the events with a you-are-there quality, and showing us what it was like to look up in shock and see the towers on fire. We've not wanted to know how it must have felt to be in the World Trade Center when the towers fell, but there we are with John McLaughlin (Nicolas Cage) and his men experiencing it, and feeling scared just waiting for the inevitable doom that awaits.

Without going too much into a wordy review, I'll say that the movie maintains the same perspective throughout. Though they get their due, this is not a movie that celebrates those who rescued McLaughlin and Jimez (Michael Pena). Instead, this is a more personal film about those trapped NYPD officers, and we feel like we're trapped right there with them. Above ground, there's some fantastic acting by Maria Bello as McLaughlin's wife (Maggie Gyllenhaal is also good as Jimenez's wife), and in general, though the film is at times hard to watch and runs over two hours long, it still moves at a good pace.

There were many stories of heroism, courage, and strength that came out of 9/11. WTC tells just one of them. McLaughlin and Jimenez are no more special than many others who lived through the day, but it's that quality that makes this film so good. Stone illustrates how it's not those larger-than-life heroes who deserve all the attention. Appropriately, this is a film for the little guy. It's an excellent tribute. I give it an A.

What's on My Mind

A few quick questions and observations ...

* The new turnstiles the T has installed are nice and cool and all, but wouldn't a better purchase have been more trains so they can come more often and be less crowded? And while I'm at it, I get it that people just want to get to their destination as quickly as possible, but when there's no room left on the T, why do people still feel a need to make room?

* What happened to Mandy Moore on Entourage? It's like she's been completely wiped clear of the show's history. Aquaman has been a huge hit, and yet it's like she's not as big a deal as Vince is. I miss Mandy. Hell, I miss Entourage. The show just hasn't been as good this season.

* I'm all for marketing, but when Shaw's gives you those free coupons when you're checking out (you know, the electronic ones based on what you're buying), why are they never for things you actually buy? For example, I drink a ton of Nestea Diet Iced Tea. (To put it mildly.) But everytime I buy it, I get a coupon for Turkey Hill Iced Tea, which I have never purchased. Yes, I will buy Nestea even without the coupons, but you'd think that eventually the computer would know not to bother with the Turkey Hill coupon. And maybe Shaw's would even reward me for my frequent purchases.

* The three hottest T stations, in descending order, are: Hynes Convention Center, Park Street, Boylston

* At the AMC Boston Common movie theater, why does the "turn off your cell phone" commercial come on five minutes before showtime — before the trailers and before all the commercials? The people who get to the theater early care about the movie enough to be there on time. It's the people who sneak in late during the trailers who need to be reminded to turn off their phones.

* Quick reviews: If you like thick cheese, you'll want to watch The Ron Clark Story this Sunday. It's an inspiring, true story, but damn if it doesn't just feel a bit too saccharine. In unrelated news, I've got to say that Back to Basics, Christina Aguilera's new CD, is just not as good as Stripped.

* Is it just me, or has the packaging of CDs become tighter in recent months? I bought three albums yesterday — Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits, Gin Blossoms' Major Lodge Victory, and the soundtrack for The Last Kiss — and each jewel case still has a residue from when I tried to peel off the security sticker along the top. No wonder so many people just buy the albums digitally. Who wants a sticky jewel case?

* What happened to the Red Sox? It seems like they were just in first place and were practically cruising to a first place finish in the AL East. Now they're two games out and can't even beat Kansas City? What happened?? Well, no fear. I still say they will pull it out and end the season ahead of the Yankees. If we could lose posession of first place this easily, getting it back should be just as simple.

* I wish there was a way to reserve the laundry machines in my building. That would make leaving work on the early side a much more productive idea.

A Real Winner

People ask me all the time if I've seen any good movies lately. (I guess they're not reading my blog.) For a while, I couldn't really say "yes" with much confidence. That changes today. Little Miss Sunshine is a very good movie, the best one I've seen in a very long while.

If you've never heard of Little Miss Sunshine, it's the story of a dysfunctional family on a road trip taking the 7-year-old daughter to participate in a beauty pageant. Among the uniformly great cast is Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, and Steve Carell, but Alan Arkin deserves special mention for his performance, which is hysterical. And young Abigail Breslin is priceless. What she does during the pageant ranks with any stunt Will Ferrell has done. If she were a teenager or older, she'd be heralded for her courage and devotion to the role. Whatever you want to call it, the scene is one of the funniest things you'll see all year.

If you're tired of the big blockbusters and want a genuinely funny, well acted, thoroughly enjoyable movie, you can't do much better than Little Miss Sunshine. It gets an A from me.

I Don't Hear Anything

The Night Listener has a really interesting premise: Gabriel Noone, a depressed radio host, develops a phone relationship with a young, sexually-abused boy and his foster mother, but comes to doubt that the boy actually exists after a few too many things don't add up. Unfortunately, that's about all it has. Despite a decent performance by Robin Williams, the film doesn't really go anywhere (not counting Wisconsin). Instead, you sit there waiting for something to happen and nothing really ever does. So, I'm giving The Night Listener a C.

Take the Money and Run

After my last gambling experience, I felt there were some wrongs that needed to be righted, so I agreed to meet my dad and Jason at Foxwoods today for a boys' day out. I hit the blackjack table soon after arriving, went up $35, felt confident (and hungry), so I took a break for brunch. Perhaps I jumped back into the action too quickly, because I promptly lost that $35 and then about $95 more.

But, luck was with me today. After switching tables, I got on a real hot streak and won back not just the $95 and but also the $35, and $85 more, putting me up $120 for the day. I'm no idiot, and like Kenny Rogers so wisely said, You've got to "know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run." It was clear that that was the time. I didn't make back all I had lost in A.C., but still, $120 ain't bad for a few hours of gambling.

(Maybe it's the Connecticut casinos that like me. After all, I also did well at Mohegan Sun in November. Hmmmm ... maybe I need to go to Las Vegas to see how I fare out there.)

Anyway, it was too nice a day out to head right back to Boston, so I stopped half-way, in Providence, to walk around and enjoy the perfect weather. All told, a great day.

Saturday Morning Battle Royale

Will it be Kelly Taylor or Felicity Porter?
Brandon Walsh or Ben Covington?
The Peach Pit or Epstein Bar?

These are the questions that occupy my mind now, since the good people at Comcast have added SoapNet to my cable lineup (no, I didn't ask for it). As I’ve previously revealed, my Saturdays don’t begin until 12 noon every week because I sit on the couch watching Felicity reruns on the WE channel from 10 a.m. to 12. And now, with Beverly Hills, 90210 on SoapNet from 9 a.m. to 12, I’ve got a real problem.

Yes, I realize I’m male and straight and I’ve got much better things to do with my life. But these two shows are great guilty pleasures of mine, and to be totally honest — at the risk of total embarrassment — I’m quite excited about this addition to my Saturday morning plan. But what will I do? Please help me decide.

Which program should I watch? Felicity Beverly Hills, 90210 Neither. Get a life, dude    Free polls from Pollhost.com

Snakes on Your Phone

If you're like me, then you just can't wait to see the new flick Snakes on a Plane. But maybe you know someone who isn't as excited to see this movie as you are. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson needs to send a message that he or she should be excited, and should go see this movie. Just click here, follow the simple instructions, and Sam the Man himself will call your friend or sister or brother or fiancee or husband or wife or coworker (etc. etc. etc.) and send a personalized message that SoaP is a movie not to be missed. (No, really. He will.) Speaking of missed, didja get that link? It's snakesonaplane.varitalk.com. Now do it ... now!

Weather Report

"The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut."
— "Walter Cronkite," Good Morning Vietnam

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

With temperatures nearing (but not reaching) record highs in Boston today (I mean, it was so hot), I figured the only sane way to deal with it was to break out some Christmas music. So that's what I did. Rather than a playlist full of songs like "Surfin' U.S.A.," "Margaritaville," or "Beautiful Day," I was grooving to tracks like "Jingle Bells," "Let It Snow," and "Winter Wonderland." Admittedly, it didn't really keep me cool, but it sure was fun. Damn, though. It was really hot out!

Quote of the Day

"Man it's hot. It's like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot."
— Eugene Morris Jerome, Biloxi Blues

Bring Out the Goat

Women think they have a pretty easy solution for dealing with a skin blemish. All they do is apply some makeup, or strategically style their hair, and voila! the blemish is gone. (No, that's not a sweeping generalization or stereotype. Not at all. Ha ha ha.) Well, I like to think men have just as simple a solution. It's a game I like to call "Fun with Facial Hair!" (Yes, the exclamation point is part of the trademarked name.)

Take me, for example. Thanks to my latest sunburn, I've got a strip of pretty sensitive skin just above my upper lip. So how have I dealt with it? By letting my goatee grow in again. Now, you see, goatees and me have a funny relationship: generally, I don't like them — on me or on other people (especially women). And yet, from time to time I get in that lazy mode and decide to let my own grow in for a week or two. I'm told it actually looks quite good on me, so I tend to keep it on longer than I intend to.

But really, I know I just don't rock the goatee as well as, say, Ben Affleck, who lets his grow in all the time. (Hmmmmm ... does that mean Jennifer Garner likes 'em? Let me reconsider my thoughts on goatees for a minute ... Interesting. Never really thought too hard about that. Maybe I should keep mine permanently. Will that draw her to me? It's worth a shot. Hmmmmmmm.)

Anyway, so this week I've got a goatee. I wish I could say it was masking my entire sunburn, but thankfully I've got shirts that do that just fine. (And wouldn't it be scary if I was that hairy?!) Still, the hair around my mouth seems to be doing the trick. No more irritated skin in the early morning when I take a sharp razor to my face while I'm still half asleep. So even if growing a goatee is just a short-term solution to my problem, it's still a solution. And now that I think about it, if it brings me one step closer to Jennifer Garner, well ... who am I to complain? Maybe next time I'll grow one without having a sunburn.

Hey, I Know That Guy

If you turn to page 82 of the new Improper Bostonian (with Josh Beckett on the cover), you may see a familiar face smiling and standing in front of the Bronson Gates on the Paramount Pictures studio lot (and yes, holding up a picture of the Improper). It's me (big surprise), and it's a picture taken during my recent trip to L.A. That picture in particular was taken by Todd when I visited him at work. (He actually had to take it twice until I got it just right. This one here is the other one we took.)

Alright, so it's not the "Improperazzi" or the "Proper Bostonians" section (which I still would love to be in one day), but this has to be the next best thing, right? It's definitely better than the "Improper Impersonals," that's for sure. I've already been in that section (against my wishes).